Uhhhh..Kaylene did not say one thing about toning it down. She said, in essence, there is a time and a place to air/vent/ grieve the things that parents of kids with autism have a right to air/vent/ grieve. I think this grace should extend to the autistic child. You have no clue what it is too realize, and YES grieve, because your child will never have a comfortable existence, and may never even go to school much less graduate. So many people are so ashamed to show their children behaving so badly. Most of the comments here mention things that arent even autism-related. My hobbies and interests are lost to me. Full stop yall. Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, fourth edition. She wants me to wear the same thing day and night. We get no respite care (because government funding for services like that have been cut). But Facebook has also a good feature: PRIVATE groups of every kind. That is not whining that is a fact. I do not have a disease, and to act like autism is a death sentence and a tragedy is about as narcissistic as a parent can be! Their kids still have PTSD, no matter how lovingly they were abused. I totally understand the need to sometimes vent emotions too. If shaming others is wrong then please dont shame literal children to their face for something outside of their control. So if I have to complain I will do it because it really is difficult. He also deals with Chiari Malformation and Red Ear Syndrome. Guide to Legal Information for Families Affected by Autism from Goodwin Procter LLP. You should probably take this article down. "I Don't Like My Child, Help!" "I've had it with my 12-year-old daughter who has ADHD, sensory disorder, and learning disabilities (LD). If your child suspects that you may not follow through, he or she is unlikely to stop the behavior. She grew out of/learned to deal with these things over the past few years although she still wears socks and underwear inside out. My son was disagnosed at age 3 in 1991 at the Einstein Center in the Bronx when the prerequisite for being considered autistc was being so profoundly withdrawn into your own world you didnt relate, react or respnd to anythingor if you did it was insanely appropriate.They have stretched that diagnoses out to the point where people who can have perfectly back and forth conversations, drive cars, have jobs, go to college, marryare autistic, leading advocates and polititians to assumeautismthose special little genious snowflakes who are great in math,right?thats one reason services are so tough to come by.Were no longer allowed to say.my child is half retarded and half insane, and the only time I get a break is when hes asleep.Im always amazed when people want autistics to stand up and talk about themselves.huh??? I don't feel like have an identity anymore. AS someone whos autism was so hidden I wasnt even diagnosed until 31, I can tell you it wasnt easy for me or my parents. I know what Blog you are speaking about and I have to be honest, her blog brought me great comfort knowing I wasnt alone as a parent. You are proving the authors point. The following are some of the common causes of meltdowns: ADHD: Lack of focus or inability to tolerate boredom can contribute to outbursts Learning issues: A learning disorder could cause frustration and lead to meltdowns EVERYONE. I will always love him from the depths of my soul, and I certainly get the frustration, but yeah, please dont post meltdowns. Autistics should be treated with the dignity of every other person, including speaking about them in a public forum. Its been so long I dont even remember what its like to have a normal nights sleep or to have a dream. Dont censor the woman whose video went viral about her view. This video went VIRAL. So given that min 25% of typical kids have other speical needs. Children with autism often need constant supervision to ensure they don't get hurt or run away. Parents are often careful about what they share online about their children, but for whatever reason, that line of privacy goes out the window when their child is disabled. we also care for a child diagnosed with autism who have achieved some of the remarkable things for a 14 year old. Its real and its raw. Will she have to quit her job as I did to care for her brother or will she find an institution or supervised group home where he is happy? SOMETHING in our environment is hurting our childrens brains and the result is an epidemic of ADHD, autism, allergies. You really seem to be of the mind that women should just shut up and put up with no help. The struggle and frustrations need to be shared and spoken about, but not online for the whole world. You very likely need MORE support than I do, and thats valid! Dear AutisticMama People like you should be shamed mostly. Clearly hates her child?! Thank you Faith. He doesnt need to see every word youve ever written to get the idea from someone whos read your work that theres a part of him you hate and want gone forever. Not cool. It is important to understand these rights to ensure that you or your child is being treated fairly and given access to all of the services and supports to which you are entitled. So I really have to say it is unbearable most of the time. Depending on your child's learning abilities, this may be a good idea. PLEASE stop blogging about Autism. They may even turn into a great career someday. Again, this is the sort of thing that shouldnt happen with ANY child. You can also add beef to the diet, as this supplies carnitine, which helps in the digestion of EFAs. If you want to see the other side of this, I welcome you to live a day in our lives. I have not had a minute to myself for a very long time. Just as your parents supported you. I believe its my job to help them both achieve happiness, purpose and claim their place in this world! We are on our own. Your own attitude is half the battle. Besides its not like you even want, like/love, or care about your child. I guess you missed the part where she said all she wants is for her Son to be happy!! Everyone has bad days, but this post outlines why to stop complaining about your autistic children and what you can do instead!). Would you publicly shame your child for not being who you thought theyd be? If anyone lets on that raising their kids isnt all rainbows and precious moments and is sometimes downright demoralizing, other people automatically assume that the venting parents are terrible, ungrateful and hate their kids. Oh you are high functioning like me so you can probably wipe your own ass & pay your own bills? May I ask.do you parent a child with special needs? Im apart of many autism parents FB groups and Im getting tired of all the parents playing victim to autism and crying on their public pages about how their children are a burden. But dont complain about how its so terrible to raise an autistic child. You should always contact your doctor or other qualified healthcare professional before starting, changing, or stopping any kind of health treatment. Does that make you feel better to use capital letters. No local services. There are 12 references cited in this article, which can be found at the bottom of the page. Im not a complaining mama, but your litmus test for what to share will stick with me long-term. Its just basic respect. Just stop it. I was with you until I got to that list. Then I went no contact with my mother. There are appropriate forums and the sobbing mom should have used one of them. dont compare. I accept my son fully for his differences, but sharing our stories gives others a glimpse into our life, and can encourage policy makers to fund programs for the disabled. Any mother to says i dont think like that, dont think is being truthful,fear and worry come from Love and caring. You must ignore her posts where she cheers on her children and shows her sons accomplishments since youre only talking about her being upset. Surely we have to bring it back to the child first and foremost.it made me very sad to watch this childs needs clearly not being met. There isnt a day that goes by that I dont lay down to go to sleep at night and wish, really really wish, to wake up and realize it was just a bad dream I was having. Right on! hmmmm. As an autistic woman, I am appalled by the comments defending the public posts about autistic children. How dare you? This article could have been written without refering to Kate and finding coopers voice. I had to throw out every hope and dream I ever had not just for myself but for them too and instead I just count the days as they go by getting nothing meaningful done except care for two individuals who will never become anything except a burden on someone else in the future after I get too old to care for them. We get no breaks. Parenting an Autistic child is basically me just guessing the best I can to handle a meltdown or sensory overload. And mean. Before you think state run group homes are the paradise for the disabled just Google the lawsuits against them: murder, physical abuse, exploitation, neglect, sexual abuse, ect ect. I think sharing about how to deal with parenting issues (regardless of whether the child is ND or NT) is invaluable. Imagine having something important to say, but being unable to form words or coherent sentences. Sorry Im not autistic enough to deserve empathy, folks. Then they reach their teens and you realise that a whole lot of other teens are utter dicks and actually your kids are going to do great because theyre not dicks it gets a whole lot easier. Point is why are they never mentioned? I cry, because this is not what I wanted. Shes an outstanding mother and is quite blunt about a side of autism not everyone knows. Esp for some lower functioning kids eg non verbal. So do both a favor drop out of those groups so those parents can vent and talk and not be judged by the likes of you. I hurt for you. I need help as all humans do, not the same kind of help as most humans but there is no shame in that. Your persistence will pay off once the routine feels natural and internalized, your child will feel better. From an autistic childs perspective, and my other neurodivergent friends, they are delusional and dont care about what their actual children think, and someones identify shouldnt be my child is autistic. as minors, we do not want to be seen as tokens or things for our parents to control. And yes, lets be honest here, if you child is severely autistic, then yes they are a burden on the parents. Say something like "You're hurting your legs. I truly do hope that you are going to therapy and again I am saying this with respect for a fellow woman and mother. You have no idea what it is to live it. While academically bright, no one could understand how someone could be so socially blind. However, even on my worst day, I would NEVER post one of his meltdowns online! It is offensive to parents that struggle every day. So please, stop complaining about your autistic children. Every single last internal concurring issue that isnt my Autism nor ADHD has been overlooked, therefore slowly, but surely, Im moving over to the societal low functioning scale. In the beginning, I wasnt recognizing that certain places we went, my daughter was in distress so she would elope or melt down. No full nights sleep. Make sure your child knows that you love them, autism and all. WWJD? Its a living hell and all I can do is pray it gets better. What youre saying is: please dont include retard people in my exclusive spectrum what the F are you? No one gets it, because no one sees it. Knowing your child will need 24/7 care the rest of their life, and knowing you will die first, and who then will love them as much and take as good of care as the deserve. He has punched holes in the walls of every room in the house. Not every parent can handle it. I have to fight against voices like hers everyday, and it just seems like mothers like her breed more and more hate for Autism everyday. Bruises, cuts, and bites and scratches from meltdowns that cant be controlled (injuries on both yourself and the ASD child and sometimes siblings). His own family? Facing my fear: to save my autistic son's future, I had to let him go Elayne Robertson Demby It's always hard for parents when their children leave home. Let them choose whether it's worth the effort to redirect it or not, and give them your full support either way. Whoever wrote this article youre an idiot. Many autism-related organizations treat autistic children like burdens and spread the rhetoric of abuse. I find it interesting that the first thing this article does is shame a mom for her blog. Imagine for a moment that you always wanted a child tobecome a doctor. Do you need support as a parent of a child with high needs? Tell me something That way, the disappointment wouldnt be so great. Beautifully written! She's defiant, rude, immature, and uncooperative. My daughter has a fragile bone disorder and were desperate to keep him away from her so that he doesnt break her bones. 6 Steps on Every Parent of an Autistic Childs Autism Journey, How to De-Escalate Your Childs Meltdown When Youre Triggered, Stop Telling Me You Arent Ableist and Start Doing This Instead, How to Recognize Youre Triggered in 4 Simple Steps, Sometimes My Kid's Autism Pokes My Autism Right in the Eye - Autistic Mama. If she were calm and clear headed, she likely wouldnt have posted it. To re a firm that just because i have break downs and the cold reality of raising a disabled child doesnt look like the made up fairy tale people try to sell you online, does not mean im a horrible mother or bad person. And EVEN IF WE COMPLAIN that does not mean we are not supporting them 24/7 because WE ARE. Mediocre gene pool, probably. Learn the difference. Everyone is coming from a different perspective. What I didn't know initially is my daughter is one of the 5 to 16% of school-aged children with sensory processing disorders (SPD), and she's overstimulated by the clothing on her body. *This blog is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for us to earn fees by linking to Amazon.com and affiliated sites. Yes, she said some uncomfortable things but also more importantly said that all she wants is for her child to be HAPPY! Now, before you start throwing things at me, let me clarify. When you say that you don't think your child will have any friends ever, you're telling the world that autism makes someone un-loveable. They help me see the world in full color! And how judgemental of YOU to not listen to the lady, if you had you would have heard how much she LOVED her child and was saddened that he would never have the things average kids will. Sorry as a teacher I have to jump in here. In most instances with your child, it's not truly an emergency and both you and your child will benefit from putting the breaks on, and then following up when your ready with a more supportive and effective response. This is not a "different way of seeing the world" that he has, or "a wonderful gift." This is a child about to be 9 years old who can not say "mum" or use a bathroom himself. I have two children with autism. If you cant handle raising an autistic child you need to be able to place them with their forever family through privatized adoption. Its been 4 years since my oldest was diagnosed and almost 2 years since my middle baby was diagnosed, and Ive better educated myself on how to best accommodate thier needs. Dear Kaylene, I really love the positive way that you tackle parents of children with autism and raise awareness about the condition. Find positive support groups, such as Parenting Autistic Children with Love and Acceptance. If they ask for help, need assistance, or need to vent and talk to someone else who shares their same story? Most schools bend of backwards to try and help any students with special needs. If you want something, why don't you talk to me or type me a message about it?" Its hard sometimes but there are also sweet otherworldly moments too both my sons have taught me more than a lifetime of experiences before them ever could. I feel like Im getting a peek into my own mothers thought processes. The comments here make me so sad. But there is no more. I dont care who i upset with this reply either. agree, 100%. Thats the shit that makes me cry at night, wondering if Im a horrible mother because i cant fid anyone anywhere who speaks truthfully about what its like to raise disabled children. That just means that autistic people have no worth in society unless they can mimic neurotypicals. Anime you wonder if what youre saying is appropriate, replace the word autistic with black or gay and see if it still sounds good. Fuck you first of all for telling anyone to hold it in and not to speak. ALL MOMS COMPLAIN . Shes clearly not saying theres NO complaining to do just that plastering it on public forums isnt doing anyone any favors. You had the ability to put pen to paper or fingers to keyboard and write this, but our children will never even write or learn anything but basic life skills. Anyone who tries to say autism is anything other than a living hell is either lying to themselves or lying to everyone else to make Themselves or others feel better. Dont be swayed by this one writers POV. Does it mean we love our children any less?! Like, there is an out? If your child doesnt have an intellectual disability, they can understand EVERYTHING you say! I cant stand people like you and their preaching about neaurodiversity. And I have yet to have a single class without a child with austim most have several. Therapies such as RDI and RPM can help them engage more. Best wishes for you and your children. Please stop complaining about your autistic children. Consistency makes it clear that you mean what you say. Be careful about behavior modification therapies. 3. Consistency helps autistic children make sense of the world and feel secure. What right do you have to tell another parent how they should feel about their autistic child? The author makes false, broad generalizations and assumptions that shame hard-working, loving parents of level 3 autism as well as level 2, parents who NEED SUPPORT and are only desperately trying to teach their children basic life skills that other, typically developing children naturally learn. That list the house my worst day, i am saying this with respect for a 14 old! You really seem to be shared and spoken about, but not online for whole. 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