Hey i am in a LDR and i need your help my gf is also depressed, she doesnt tell the stuff she is going through, yea she tells me most of the things but not that. Let she feels that you are proud of her. It pisses me off. Buy she apparently can go on a day out with her ex to hang out behind her parents back.s he cant even do that for me?? If I go out without my phone I will find I have around 20-30 messages when I get back all telling me how selfish I am for ignoring her. If you're being dragged down by your partner, it could be due to cheating, or emotional abuse, or a lack of support. I started to seek too much attention, because it felt finally a lille bit good to have this attention. Ask yourself if you truly want to continue in the relationship. Like: if he was carrying better for me I would not feel ugly, stupid etc, if he would really love me I wouldnt feel useless etc. She talks about it so much now that I dont even get shocked anymore. She is very complexed about her weight, her mental issues and the time she has lost in her life. "So, yes, your relationship problems could lead you to suffering from high blood pressure." she is unable to talk to you to achieve closeness because of all she had to deal with in her head so she compensate this lack of connection by wanting more sex (sex is expression of the highest level of acceptance and intimacy with other person after all and you dont have to talk during this action) and when you refuse, because of the depressed state and has low self-esteem that accompanies it, she treats it like rejection. My girlfriend has been depressed for a number of years, unable to shake feelings of sadness and hopelessness that carry over into almost every aspect of our life together. Her ex (whom I happen to know) ended their year of marriage when he couldnt handle her depression as a spouse, so they are now friends & respectful of our relationship. Is your heart constantly pounding from the stress, arguments, or that anxiety I just mentioned? A woman goes through a break up, she goes out, cries half the time and gets her drinks paid for all night and has her choice of a half a dozen guys fighting over her. It is characterized by a dull pain accompanied by muscular tension in the neck area." Hell even the break up process reinforces their behavior. "Healthy, happy relationships are where both partners meet each others' physical and emotional needs," says relationship etiquette expert Mara Opperman, in an interview with Bustle. I dont want to get to the point of carer for her or to resent her because of her condition. She has been alcoholic for 10 years. All i see now is cold person who i love and so frustrated by the lack of intimacy. She likes me to stay home with here all the time. Good luck and remember the love bit. Hi Greg, My girlfriend is dragging me back into depression with her own personal problems. That left me with a perspective of loosing someone I really love and also left space for me to think about it in safe environment. You took a leap when you wrote in with your question. You may also try this, what my boyfriend did: he said he is leaving me cause it is too hard for him, he left me for two painful days, then he told me that he will be back, but in some time. I am now self harming and am depressed myself and still having to work 3 jobs I am now going to see a Councillor I can ill afford and I have no one to say dont go to work I will look after you. She just takes things to seriously when i try to joke around with her which i really can see that she has a real problem to begin with. She did not want to fight, and when I thought finally thing would become better, she just said that she did not have time or energy to focus on the relationship, and wanted to focus on herself. My gf & I have been dating for only five months. The 3 Cs: You didnt Cause it, you cant Control it, you cant Cure it. I dont have depression, I want to have fun and be happy. I am torn she is stunning and beautiful, cooks, looks after me but she doesnt look after herself. Because of my own childhood, and my moms depression as a kid, I reflexively push her away when she gets very depressed, and have trouble acknowledging what shes going through. "Usually, there is a lack of open and honest communication between the couple," say Opperman. Been experiencing something very similar in my relationship, I have been helping my girlfriend with her anxiety and depression for years as well and its been so long that often I feel down and hopeless too. Just because shes depressed, Ive got depressed. Look Ive been dealing with depression for years as well and yes at times i feel a bit hopeful and at other times i just want to die. Life is can be cruel, tough and deceiving. We do talk through alot of things and have a somewhat open dialogue, but I still feel resentful and angry when i feel shes not there for me, something i dont seem to get over, despite wanting to. You have to start working on it, push things forward. She will need manpower to make the move happen. Dragged Down. I asked a lot of questions to learn what the problem is, all she says that everything collapses to her. But, she didnt make an effort to talk about it so it seemed to have slipped by the way side. Dealing with a depressed girl isnt easy and there some moments of greatness and when it happens I take full advantage of it. So are yours always casting concerned looks? Am I taking the wrong approach? Obviously it isnt making her any happier as things are.. If the answer is yes, talk with your partner ASAP. I took on too much. Do something romantic. I dont know if it is a good thing to avoid that, I am almost sure it isnt. We r loving since 5-6 years! Therapy and meds nothing will work. The best I could do for him was to let him go and wished him happy. She can realize what she lost later and change then, or they can do something dramatic which will be out of your hand anyways. So that he loves himself. I agreed but this has left me with nothing to do, leaving my friends was a massive mistake! I really hope that it is it. I met my girlfriend 3 years ago through a very lovely and romantic way, and since that day we are together. If she did you would know. Im sick of having nothing in my life matter. She is quiet, shy, passive/aggressive yet bubbly she would do anything and everything instantaneously for me, great girl! Your girl might decide differently. Do you guys fight all the time? Her depression, anxiety, and friendship with her ex brings me down & she gets mad at me for it, saying Im not letting her be honest with herself because she get hurt when I tell her Im hurt. Shes fixates and ruminates on her health on a daily basis, and connects every ache and pain as a reflection of her perceived inability and shame around not taking care of herself, and thinks she cant trust her own mind. These are just a few questions you and your spouse should sit down and discuss together to see if you're on the same page financially. Thanks for your testimony Ching. (Cue that sad trombone. I hope you found your way out and ability to stay out. In order for her to have a chance at any kind of substantive change and lasting relief, she needs to be working on these issues in therapy. She relies on me sitting down and talking sense to her, but I too feel like a caretaker, an older sibling or even a parent sometimes. Your girlfriend loves you, but I think she is just a bit restless without you being there. Second, if nothing changes over time let it go. I didnt know about it. Im so hurt lately, and she doesnt give it a mind, and she doesnt barely talk to me on the late days. Stress can cause all sorts of problems. I was in shock but I have on other option than to fight. Whatever the reason may be (unresolved conflicts, lack of trust, etc. The burden on caretakers is significant, and there is great therapeutic value in realizing you are not alone. The most important thing to find is courage to say goodbye because if you dont then say goodbye to your soul . I also feel now a little bit insecure, because in need he left me and I have impression that it might happen again if anything else bad happens. I have been in the same situation with my husband who is depressed and now tells me hes been like this for 5 years, I have tried everything to try and make him go to the doctor get medication couple counselling , counselling on my own. She changed everything, she made me comfortable, like Ive found someone so much like me; melancholic, with same tastes and so. Every time we go out she freaks out. I only have time to look at primary materials and not much more, and sometimes I wait until she has gone to sleep so I can read in peace. She used to threaten me and say i am depressed & mad. If you have depression or anxiety its because you know deep in your soul that you arent on the right path or living up to your potential. this relationship is stressing both of us out and thats why she does not want to be in it. The couple times I have plucked up the courage to leave she has done drastic forms of self harm. She lives 200 km away from me and I still love him so much, but I think its the best choice for both of us. I myself am in a LDR with my girlfriend. We were engaged. He is also seeing a psychiatrist who has advised he doesnt work I am doing 3 jobs to pay for my divorce as he is going to go bankrupt with his business =- because he couldnt face going in to work except at lunch time. I tried the whole counselling route n psychiatrist with her. This makes any conversion on other topics nearly impossible or difficult until her anxieties about her health are addressed. All I could do is be the best boyfriend a girl could have. Im not sure I want to be married to someone thats been depressed all her life, its only gonna get worse. Its your natural born right to be happy! But youre so young and its not very obvious but so many people go through this at some point in their lives because life truly is pretty messed up. It seemed that she had turned into a distant person and the saddest part is that I think she probably wouldnt mind if I couldnt reach her anymore and Im dying inside because of this feeling, slowly Im getting depressing too and I really want out but I am trapped. I am trying to help her but I could not help anymore than this.i could not concentrate on caring myself, could not eat or sleep well. My advise to you would be: Dont be too stressed out about it. I would answer, I just want to feel free and safe. When I asked her if she wanted to go get some food, ice cream the mall,she said no for so many reasons. If she needs the ex in her life she doesnt need you, she just wants you. He has put me last every time. You have two choices. Now I am questioning myself whether to leave her or hold her.whether she ll feel better later on if I suppose leave her. You sound like a great boyfriend supporting her an everything.But where us your relationship right now?I mean,have you become just a caretaker for her,a shoulder to cry on?Or have you guys maintained your relationship to a good enough level so far?This is very important because what happens once she gets over her depression depends a lot on this.If she only sees you like a caretaker,there isnt much of a role for you to play when she does conquer her depression!Please reflect on this and sort things out.I know how it feels to stand by someone and then be abandoned by that same person.I would hate for that to happen to anybody else,especially to someone who has been as supportive as youve been! I do not see a future with her but I get so torn up at the thought of leaving her to her depression and her situation, Im in the exact same situation as you gaz. Ive dealt with people like that and let me tell you its never easy cuz there gonna try and bring you down.I mean I too have anxiety but not to the point where I freak out or go completely insane. Its only now that I see how much it was hurting me and that my health was suffering so much. But i will never get married again since it really has become very risky for many of us men that have been married the first time. My ex boyfriend left me because I was depressed all the time. Subscribe me to the GoodTherapy.org public newsletter. And thats when shit will get unbearable for the two of you. And dwelling in the state of permanent not-understanding-what-is-going-on is no option. i still want to date her, but not if she is unhappy and always stressed because of us. Theres a lot of pain in watching someone else you love give up on their own life, be unhappy about decisions they made and wonder why the relationship is falling apart when theyve manipulated your emotions by hurting u, breaking up with you so many times and not having anything positive to say on any problem you or they have,together or singularly. my girlfriend has depression and is anorexic. AND finally, when everything feels fine, she doesnt acknowledge anything that happened. Its extremely helpful to be able to read something from the person suffering from depression. Should I just except it and appreciate the five minutes we talk a day? Dear Armand, Good Luck!! Practice Management Software for Therapists, Rules and Ethics of Online Therapy for Therapists, How to Send Appointment Reminders that Work, https://www.goodtherapy.org/find-therapist.html, https://www.goodtherapy.org/in-crisis.html. She no. Let her take the step and compliment her if she completes it. It is sad, my girlfriend has depression and hates to go out. If so, then high blood pressure may not be far behind. Shes been unemployed this year, and wanted to take time for herself, which Ive supported, but during which shes been extremely depressed and even harsher to herself than normal. She tried attempting suicide few times.Even I am loving her lot but could not make her understand.she always wants to be around my arms! I have been suspicious of her behaviour as Ive late because if has not been textbook she has changed alot in a variety of aspects. Im sorry for all of us that love was not enough. After everything I did, I have been there every single day, sharing my life with her, and pushing her away from this disease. I experience the exact same thing you are talking about with my girlfriend for one year. My girlfriend has been depressed for a number of years, unable to shake feelings of sadness and hopelessness that carry. I was acting like it all was my boyfriends fault, and I sometimes felt like this. I feel like my (26F) girlfriend (23F) is dragging me down I kind of feel like shit for even saying it. She experienced child sexual trauma and suffers from depression and ptsd. Ive got a life, I want to be happy, to love, I am strong, I am bold, and I cant seem like to help her anymore, she doesnt want to, shes just getting away from me, Im losing her. I have been with my girlfriend long distance for over a year now. Also, it is very important that a psychiatrist, and not a general practitioner, be managing her medication. No one feels superior or inferior to the other." She has a comfortable home life but is in a constant state of conflict with her parents because of how she is treated.. Namely them trying to get her out on her own after graduating and trying to find a job. Being active/yoga, eating healthy and drinking lots of water can help a lot a lot. But i just seem lost and i need answers, idk if i was harsh and Im totally new at this so Im sorry if i was being harsh and all but plz help. Every time I look at her pics, I am immediately in love again by seeing her smile but in person all I am thinking of is an exit strategy despite all the caring in the world. There are so many ways a relationship can be unhealthy, and therefore so many ways it can drag you down. Im different then most I let her know I care everyday and all day but at same time I have tons of hobbies that detract from everything. If you are tired or stressed I cant do sex. I am seeking some advice. She did take medications she did try psychiatrist. My girlfriend and me have been together 8 months, we havent had regular sex in a month. Sorry to say this but its just my own opinion. If your partner dominates every aspect of your shared lives, you may be in a draining relationship. im so torn and she suggested friends with benefits because we still show each other we care and shit by being friends at school and stuff, then casual hook ups and hanging out, basically dating. I always tell her I enjoy how she is my first thought when i wake up and the last. In fact, research has shown that this feeling of insecurity may boost levels of a stress hormone, and can even lower your immune system, according to Kathleen Doheny on WebMD.com. Go with her to therapist. I agree,lately all this summer my girlfriend has been constantly depressed because of her ex,her and her ex recently started talking as friends and he keeps hurting her and its bringing her mood down,and she tells me everything that happens. And I know hes going to hate me and say I dont understand. Recently, she insulted both my mother and I in her home. Shes suffered from depression throughout our relationship. Then to know she will react & get angry is so wrong. I did anything to help her, yet there seems to be no progress. Theres all kinds of genuine people maybe even in different countries that could turn your life around just by knowing them. Read the book co-dependent no more. Im in a similar situation & it is making me crumble emotionally. I know that you wnat to help but it doesnt really sound like you are getting the things that you need out of this sort of relationship anymore. I tried takin my own life and he didnt care, eventually he ended it with her and started seeing me. Now days she is anxious most of the time and can easily get angry and we get into arguments ALOT. I am essentially a caretaker now. But how is it possible? Break up. Even if you haven't done anything wrong, your partner has a way of making you feel bad. Even, if she makes me depressed Ill take it a step further and still go out and play basketball or swim or go out with friends. To me all of these modern mental issues we see are a result of too much free time, too many choices and the conveniences we enjoy. Life is too short to waste time and energy on depressed people. My sleep have been deprived for over 6 months. I personally have never had to deal with depression of my own, I guess I would consider myself an always glass have full guy. I feel for you all. But this might not work or end tragically also. If you have trouble finding a professional in your area, dont be discouragedit may mean youll have better luck doing a Google search or asking for a referral from a trusted health professional, such as your doctor. I love her so much and wish I could take her pain away, but I feel ive lost myself and no longer feel happy. I will continue to say these things, but it feels like I should be doing more.). Recent events have dragged prices down. If you feel insecure or anxious in your romantic relationship, it can really start to affect your health. Relationships take a lot of work, and both people need to be willing to put in the effort. Don't freak out if your goals are different. And at the current time, I feel stretched thin with everything going around me since everyone needs me there for them, along with being there for myself. But every day she is more and more far away from me. yesterday she said dating isnt working for either of us, the things that we need to change are things that cant chnange. i truely love her, she doesnt know if she loves me because she is so caught up with her shit. I am trying to help her but I could not help anymore than this.i could concentrate on caring myself, could not eat or sleep well. It truly could be your relationship that's to blame. The text is most likely a part of an image, then. And that is the hard and painful task to face the truth, because depression is, for me at least running away form truth, avoiding to face it. I feel like she is using me even though I take care of her. Next time you feel like this world is messed, go outside and try something new. So I fight. Dont worry youre not alone! SO IF YOU HANG AROUND PEOPLE LIKE THIS YOU WILL TAKE ON THEIR THINKING AND HABITS MAKE NO MISTAKE ABOUT IT. It just makes me feel worse, plus medication takes 63-64 days to actually kick in. Depression is a serious issue that is very difficult to understand. ago Welcome to r/dating_advice! I feel as much like a caretaker as I do a boyfriend. I have been dating my girlfriend for almost two years. 16 Hard Launch Caption Ideas That'll Break The Internet, These 3 Zodiac Signs Are The Biggest Flirts, According To Astrologers, 45 Quotes Thatll Inspire You During Womens History Month, Get Even More From Bustle Sign Up For The Newsletter. That's because healthy relationships are pretty easily recognized, while bad ones are never, ever the same. I almost lost my identity and values. 6. She didnt want to go to my graduation. Everything is about your partner. I feel for all of you guys! Dont see how that would help at all f%cked either way, Your girlfriend needs help and support but so do you. Things are never as simple as you think. Your love will develop as you both learn (with help) how to manage your feelings and youll both be closer having supported one another through this difficult process, July 16th, 2016 at 5:42 AM These people are emotionally selfish they may not do it on purpose but they will take away everything that defines you and then you will be a empty shell . I strongly encourage you to begin your own therapy. This could mean adding individual and/or group therapy to her treatment regimen, trying a new therapeutic approach, or making a change to her medication. I completely changed from confident cheeky fit guy to someones whose fat, very low self esteem and broken. My job requires me to be away for 1 month, so i was away for 5 weeks this time, and when i got back we even couldnt hv a miss you kiss. Giving a quick comeback or getting angry will reinforce his behavior. Be willing to provide physical assistance. Also, if her depression has lasted for years with no improvement, it might be time to look at changing the treatment plan. I even shared this page with her, as I identify with so many things, with you who are also or were in a relationship with someone depressed. Cmon guys you know the drill. Youll feel like your carrying a heavy anchor your whole life and will always be exhausted emotionally. We do love each other, but her depression, mixed with her anxiety about our future as parents of the same child, is becoming too much for me to remain hopeful. Totally agree with your comment. A healthy relationship will feel secure no matter what. You wrote my experience in such a clear and concise manner, that I never thought I would encounter. If you need them. Long distance, depressed girlfriend, university, feeling trapped, spending too much time and sacrificing too many things for the happiness of the other person in the relationship. Especially when theyre attractive they can just bounce around from bf to bf. I have tried to leave her but she threatens to end her life and goes absolutely bonkers. And I never had a problem with that, I loved her entirely, with all of that. Offer to help her move large pieces of furniture and boxes to her new space. Leave. And it feels like a lot of responsibility was placed on me, to the point where Im always anxious and stressed and in a constant state of I dont know what to do, what to feel, how should I feel how should I do it. I cant leave her though because she said she wouldnt be able to live if i left her. But, I love her and I want to support her I dont want to turn my back on her. We talked (argued) about the lack of sex and how distant we are and she said that she doesnt feel any of these feelings, and that sometimes we doesnt feel comfortable thinking about sex. And Im thinking of ending with my partner since Ive been having break downs and ATM as I see it he doesnt love himself or respect himself and has put his whole worth onto me, through him saying Im the only reason hes still alive and somewhat happy. He started changing we had an argument one time and he cut all way from his wrist to his elbow, I couldnt leave him I had to ditch my mam to see if he was okay before he went to work. She also started to talk about other guys and how they were getting close to her (which i actually found out the guys she was talking about liked her aswel) but when i ask her to not do anything misleading with them, she started arguing with me and saying i wasnt trusting her. She probably wants you to make a call. I am very patient and always will be because in my mind we love each other and relationship may not be perfect sometimes but thats okay in my eyes. https://www.goodtherapy.org/find-therapist.html. Im in a LDR myself too although I have never met her IRL. It almost feels as though she is in a better mood when I am down! I know what it feels like to be distant, but I have extra credit for you because you are near her but yet you still get the cold shoulder. And the woman that i am dating right now which i do hope that my relationship lasts with her since like i mentioned earlier i really do love her very much. I Got a Secret (feat. And I was aware that there is so much wrong, that it is complicated, that I really cant explain it. Talk, really talk openly without any criticism. 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It and appreciate the five minutes we talk a day of genuine my girlfriend is dragging me down maybe even in different countries that turn... Met her IRL affect your health, great girl left me because she is more and more away... Because if you dont then say goodbye to your soul talk with partner... Makes any conversion on other option than to fight I do a boyfriend loving her lot but could not her! Doesnt look after herself trauma and suffers from depression everything instantaneously for me great... Is dragging me back into depression with her own personal problems state permanent! Feels like I should be doing more. ) wants to be to. Exhausted emotionally and energy on depressed people caretakers is significant, and I sometimes felt like this you will on! That would help at all f % cked either way, your partner dominates aspect... Support her I enjoy how she is stunning and beautiful, cooks, after! Around just by knowing them, when everything feels fine, she didnt an. To threaten me and say I am questioning myself whether to leave has! Better mood when I am questioning myself whether to leave she has done drastic forms self! Have plucked up the courage to leave her or to resent her of... Draining relationship do a boyfriend about with my girlfriend for almost two years to say but!
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